This weekend I felt young again. On Friday night I went to a work function. During the event I felt lost and depressed. I was seated with the higher ups and didn't talk much. My colleagues were sitting at the other end of the room. Just a semester ago I had graduated. Six months later and still in the same place (physically and emotionally) and I felt stuck. I made small chat with my colleagues as I was getting ready to leave. A friend and I invited some girlfriends over to my apartment for some drinks. We giggled and talked about love, sex, work and all sorts hot topics. Between the sips of wine we munched on Andes Candies and Peppermint Patties. Tipsy and less inhabited we acted like college students. Close to midnight my girlfriends left and I passed out at the computer desk. Ironic thing was it was a throw back to college.
In the morning another friend contacted me to go to the mall and meet up with another friend. We went around the mall and gossiped like we were back in high school.
That evening my brother, his boyfriend and my sister invited me to go to the mall again and out to dinner. It is funny how family and good friends can make you act ten years younger. My brother's boyfriend borrowed me a book that was a compilation of people's journals and diaries. After each entry there was a section called "My adult self." The now adult would explain the behavior or give an update. When I was a teen I didn't journal. If I had, I would have been mortified. As I was skimming the book in the car my brother was blaring songs from the 80's.
We went to a local restaurant where the clientele was of the older age range. We thought it was funny we were the only younger people there. We laughed at a few toupees and conversations overheard. In typical form, my siblings quoted movie lines to each other. This habit annoys anyone who is not related. Afterwards we cruised the mall. All of us angered the sales people with our loud laughter and antics. As we walked around I forgot about my actual age and just enjoyed being around people who were like me. Carefree, amusing and energetic. Somewhere between the pretzel stand and gaudy cell phone covers cart I let go of myself. The smell of sprays of perfume and freshly baked cookies lingered in the air. I allowed feelings that were brushed aside to surface. I felt angst, jealousy, happiness, sorrow and longing. I didn't need to express it, just allow the feelings to wash over me.
On Sunday, My sister invited me over after he went to work. We watched old movies such as "Sixteen Candles" and "Trains, Planes and Automobiles" and "13 going on 30." During the movies and dinner I thought about being carefree. Even though there is stress and hard times upon me, it is nice to cut loose.
Those movies dealt with friendships, family and acting unlike yourself. I took the messages of the movies to heart. I just can't be stuffy, professional and put together 34 year old Karen at all times. This past weekend I managed to live out my childhood, teen and early adult years. In the safe company of those who knew me best, I tore down the facade and acted free.
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