My Life as a Soap Opera

Erica Kane has it easy. Of course she is a fictional soap character on “All My Children,” but her life of cliff hangers, love affairs and tragedy is more exciting than mine. Why it is that life and soap operas collide at times?

Me, I’m a plain Jane trying to get by. I don’t meddle in my friends’ lives. But between my own family and in laws, sometimes high drama becomes a sudsy entertainment for everyone to watch unfold.

I’m no Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon. Little do people know I’m actually a rather boring character. My character would likely get killed off by a microchip implanted in my brain or remarry my long lost love after much endurance.

By day I answer phones, and the most exciting thing that happens to me in my job as a receptionist, is when I get a prank call. On my desk are piles of papers. No champagne chilling; just a regular cup of java. Sometimes I spice it up by adding a half cappuccino. Wow, what a rebel. There are no fancy martini glasses or suave men in silk suits hanging on my every word.

When I go home, I kick off the heels, and put on my ugly sweats—the one you wear at an all you can eat buffet. Admit it, everyone does it.

My hair is almost always pulled in a messy ponytail. My bedspread is not made of fine silk ruffles or chenille. The bedspread is a tattered old comforter.

Where Erica Kane would have a full bar with exotic liquors, I bide my time guzzling back a diet coke. When I want to get down and funky I might drink a glass of boxed wine. Erica would be so proud.

I don’t attend glitzy balls or fancy parties. Some Fridays I might go to a local bar and hang with friends. Most often I’m watching my prized Sex and the City collection with my husband.

To listen to some folks, though, you’d think I was living in Pine Valley with my fourth millionaire husband. Obviously, they’re not paying attention.

Whatever the case may be, life is not a soap opera. I spend my days trying do the best job I can at everything I do—work, grad school, friendships. I have never performed brain surgery in a cave on a deserted island or rescued my father from a busty blond gold digger.

Unlike characters on a soap opera, we don’t come back from the dead when our contract is renewed, or come back as a long lost identical twin with amnesia. I have a twin brother, so unless he wears a wig, this won’t be happening.

We have one chance to make our lives worthwhile. Let’s spend it building each other up and making ourselves and others happy. Let’s not move to Pine Valley just yet. Erica has plenty of future bridesmaids at her fingertips.