How to Be a Hidden Jerk

Amazing how the smallest slight/inconsiderate moment can regress the age back to decades ago.  I wouldn’t mind being younger when it was just as simple to hang up the phone.  Is it possible to remember a time when the offender could just be avoided at school? If it was siblings who did the slighting it was easy to nark on them to mom. Today’s culture would include deleting a friend on Facebook or snotty emails, texts and social network postings. What happened to the good ole days when a person could talk smack in the cafeteria or on the bus? When busted you could come clean and apologize or just say fake amnesia. Now the evidence is all over the internet and cell phones.
I know it would be far more mature to confront the guilty individual(s). The truth is everyone hides behind technology in some way. The current situation is that in order to jab back there has to be some creativity involved.

1. Keep them guessing. Post a statement that is gender neutral. “They make me so angry.” People will most likely respond with “who?!” Don’t mention names. Rookie mistake. Plus it can come back to haunt you.
2. A hidden meaning quote.  Here is an example “There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.”  ~French Proverb. The person who ticked you off will probably just ‘like’ it. I have yet to have a person ask who or what a quote was supposed to be about. Using a quote will allow venting and less damaging. What I see is often is song lyrics. Same diff.
3. Use code names/words/gestures. When I text I’ll usually refer to someone only by a nickname. Some nicknames I frequently use for certain people are beast, dust, scary, wench, and the boy.  I have nicer code names/words too. My daughter is Mega Mia or M&M. My son and I have a funny thing where I flip my pinky finger and he does a fist bump (from the show ‘Friends’). Using codes protects you if your texts are read or shown to other people. Mostly so you can freely have a conversation without getting in trouble.  I know you are wondering who has what nickname. See title for rule #1.

I wish technology wasn’t so advanced that there needs to be well thought out guises. This is the reality of the world we live. When I’m upset I write little stories or poems. Maybe one day retro phones and hand written notes will make a comeback. Until then I’ll just bide my time hiding behind my blog.