Friday, April 11, 2014

Human, After All. By: Karen Pilarski

My friend *Lilly moved on to another job some time ago. I see her every now and then. I miss our silliness and trying to survive grad school together.

Sometimes when I see her she asks if people around the office miss her. To some it seems weird since she left almost two years ago.

I had dinner plans tonight with Lilly and my friend *Sheena. I told my husband Jason that Lilly sometimes asks if people ask about her or wish she was still around. Jason laughed and thought it was goofy.

I explained that women can be just as ego driven as guys.

Lilly said if the job was right she would go back to the company. 

Women treat careers like relationships. We want the one we left behind to feel like they are missing out. In terms of jobs, if we are passed up for a promotion there is the desire that the employer feels badly.

 Women really want to be pined after and feel like the 'one that got away.' The same goes for the job we had our eyes set on. 

I have been in relationships and jobs that felt like it was a never ending cycle. Redundancy day in and day out. The fall out was emotional and I just wanted to feel some happiness.

When it was over there was still a hint of wanting to feel wronged.

So often a guy will marry someone after breaking up with you or another person will get the job you want. A few months later the gossip mill suggests someone cheated or the person who was hired abruptly quit.

 Trust me it is vindication for the spurred individual.

My husband has been married before me. He has two wonderful children from that union. I asked him after he was divorced if he would feel good about that fact that he was doing great. He was trying to be mature. I asked him then to think wayyyy back to high school.

He then admitted yes. He felt a sense of satisfaction that the other person who broke up with him had a difficult time after they broke up. 

Recently, I applied for a writing position. I interviewed but someone else was chosen. I secretly hoped the hired person would have quit or been fired almost immediately. I'm not proud of the feeling. Yet I'm still hoping the company will realize their mistake.

I still hear of old boyfriends who have done well or are in great relationships. Even men I haven't been involved with but have crushed on.

Similar to Lilly, there is need for someone to feel as if the people are missing out.

In full disclosure,  I haven't been in a ton of relationships. I usually stay with a job for a long time. The same can be said of past boyfriends.

I'm not speaking out of turn. It is for the sake of closure that we yearn for someone to admit they were wrong and made some huge mistake. 

As women we want to feel justified for our choices. We took another job or became involved in another relationship. Our needs weren't meant in a previous situation. 

In the beginning of the post I said ego driven.

Bad call.

I meant after all, we are only human.