Thursday, March 27, 2014

Ball Game By: Karen Pilarski

Baseball players never hit a home run every chance at bat. The pitching arm is sore or just tired from the double header. Somehow the stars align and that is when the magic happens.

The bat is swatted at the air in a few trial strokes. The crowd wild and untamed chanting the player's name. A twisty curve ball is pitched. CRACK! The ball zooms like a rocket over the fence.

The player runs with sweated eye brow, past each base. It was if to say "Look at me, I hit the ball!" It is a home run and score!

I thought about macho testosterone induced perceptions. I was contacted by a male classmate from high school.  In 1996, I was a cheerleader, dating a bad boy and thinking about prom and pomp and circumstances to come.

*Marvin was a geek who rode around on a bicycle. He had a crush on EVERYBODY including me. I never thought of him in that way. I was a good girl and was friends with all the cliques. I talked to him and was polite.

He was a white chubby guy who loved moths and butterflies. A nickname was born.

My brothers and people around school called him "Moth Boy." Original? No, but this before all the nasty bullying and internet drama.

I was dating someone who was a bad ass. My dad didn't approve and called him 'leader of the pack.'  Marvin had the nerve to go up to my boyfriend and say "When is Karen going to dump you and go out with a real man." Needless to say it didn't go over well with my dimwitted boyfriend. He kicked Marvin's ass.

After high school,  I was cashiering when I bumped into Marvin. He said he wanted to "get this thing started." Huh? After that odd interaction I just avoided him.

Recently he resurfaced like a bad pimple. There was several attempts to add me on social media. I declined. He found a way to message me. I'll give him this, he is resourceful.

There was no "How is your life" or "Oh, you are a writer?!" Nope. Mr. not suave cut to the chase. He sent two rambling pathetic emails as if we were long lost lovers. Marvin referred to me as sweetie. There was a declaration of saying how much he missed me and wanted to kiss me. Apparently he thought of me everyday.

 His unintelligent garble of words were silly and immature and borderline stalker-ish. He gave me his cell number and said I should check out his pictures. Oh and I shouldn't be 'jellie' because he has all this pictures with aging and sagging figures in sports.

Apparently he spotted me at a sports event ten years ago and didn't have the cojones to approach me. Just because I went to one event doesn't mean I'm a hard core fan.

He said he should have picked me up when I wanted him in high school. WHAT?! 

I was too repulsed to even be remotely flattered. First of all I have a different name from when I was a teen. This means at some point I married. My writing is often focused on marriage and children topics.

On social media I have connected with people from high school and college. I talked to a few people from high school and I guess he has sent similar overtures to fellow classmates. Marvin was not only a creeper but a fair weathered creeper at that.

I told my husband. He wanted to call Marvin up and tell him to leave me alone. I blocked him instead.

Maybe he should cease the perusing of the dusted yearbook from the late 90's. None of us are sixteen years old anymore. I have stepson that age!

If I was single his game plan would been a foul.

Most athletes worth their salt have goals and training behind them. When a ball player pitches it isn't in hope it lands any old place. There is strategy and thought in each play.

The first rule to finding a relationship is gathering info as to what is out of bounds or foul. See if the person is attached or married before making some cheesy attempt.

If he/she is single, find out the person interests. If you are in your mid thirties like me, my passions no longer consist of New Kids on The Block, Now and Later candy and singer Monica.  Chances are the person has evolved and interests have changed.

Don't talk some strange vernacular the other person is not familiar with. Marvin had a street and British slang  type thing going with "boo" and "Luv."

Lastly, sounding desperate makes you strike out before you even attempt a swing.  If you are the type of player that just cares about the score, then by all means..take your ball and go home.