Sunday, September 1, 2013

Bursting the Bubble By: Karen Pilarski


At times we can all live in our own bubbles. A place where everything beyond the soapy exterior fails to exist. Light bounces off causing the vision to be full of pretty colors. It is understandable there is no rush to have clearer eyesight. In happiness, the bubble floats and bumps along with the breezes that whirl around. The downfall while residing in the bubble, we often forget about the feelings of others and act inconsiderate. There are three types of bubbles: Living in the past, Living too much in the present and living in the fantasy.

Living in the past. These are people who want their timeline to stall. Maybe it was a less traumatic time or was a blissful span of years. Comfort lies in the familiar. An example would be an ex husband who can't move on from divorce. The ex wife is now remarried and he is still eating canned ravioli and crashing on his friend's ripped couch. Every night he watches his scratched up home video of his Vegas wedding.

He has a new girlfriend but all he can think about is the past. There is no harm in holding onto precious memories or reminiscing from time to time. It becomes problematic when there is no willingness to let other people into the bubble. How awful for the new person who keeps getting hit over the head with the past. At times the person becomes dizzy from all the aspects of past hitting and smacking the face.

Living too much in the present. The days are busy and so much needs to get done. Picking up the kids from soccer, making it to a meeting on time and putting dinner on the table. There is just not enough hours in the day to get it all done that other things tend to suffer. Like manners.

Best friend A has a full time job, three children and a marriage. Best friend 2 has a similar lifestyle. Best friend 2 planned a dinner date and best friend 1 cancels a few times in a row. All could be forgiven if someone would pick up the phone and ask how she was doing. What is inconsiderate is inviting a friend to go for drinks simply because another plan didn't work out. Another thoughtless action is meeting up with the hidden agenda to skip out early to do something else.

Living in the fantasy. I'll admit my mind wonders off and I daydream about being rich or owning a newspaper. Almost immediately I snap out of it and clear my head. There are those people who have a certain veiled view of themselves. Friends who think they are prettier than Miss America or smarter than President Obama. Family members who know it all. Colleagues who belittle the ones they feel don't measure up to their level of intelligence. While the fantasy is often better than the reality, it is no picnic to be around the person who lives in this bubble.

Maybe there needs to be more honesty in our lives and with each other. If someone does something that is rude or thoughtless, call them on it. There is no need to be harsh or ridiculing. If the relationship didn't matter the hurt feelings wouldn't exist. If the bubble is still there, then maybe let it float along on its own. One day the bubble will burst but then they have to figure out how to live in the now.