Sunday, September 29, 2013

All Fall Down By: Karen Pilarski

"When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough." -

It was a nice warm day in late September. I was attending a bridal shower in a friend's newly purchased house. The house was huge with hardwood floors and yellow colored walls. I wore a black dress and black heels to the bash. My wardrobe choices were more appropriate to attending a funeral. People cheerfully drank and ate. Ribbons and flowered pattern wrapping paper were ripped to shreds.

I felt lonely since the house was huge and familiar faces seemed to have disappeared. I went searching for someone to talk to. I spotted a group of girlfriends hanging outside. Clumsily I missed a step and fell down. Hard. My leg was scratched up and the vein in my leg swelled. I jumped up as if I was just clowning around. My friend laughed as I whispered I really wasn't fine. I spent most of the early evening with my date the ice pack. The lousy thing was that I was very sober. No excuse or reason for the nasty fall. It made me think about choices, accidents and pain (physical and emotional).

The next day I attended a birthday dinner and heard about other people's incidents. A friend got into a car accident another friend became intoxicated and caused property damage. Another person's little daughter had lice and the night was spent shampooing her hair and picking out nits. Someone that is like a mother to me has been ill and was having more reoccurring health issues. Another person was struggling with the aftermath of divorce and the effects it has on her oldest child.

 "Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes."

Depending on the degree of the wound, it is patched  up with a band aid. Maybe the cut is too deep to stop the blood from oozing out. Self medication in the form of sex, drinking, smoking or eating is used to numb it. For a small duration the wound is forgotten. In the mornings after the indulgences is pity and shame. All the bitterness and sadness returns. We need to look at what is the source of the pain and confront it. Rip the band aid off and let wounds mend. If we fail in doing so it is no different than picking scabs off unhealed skin. The wounds end up becoming fresh again.

Then there are the thoughtless accidents. Mind is clear and thinking is rational, yet still mistakes occur. If if usually careful there is element of risk. We may take a stumble or trip up and it isn't our fault. All that we can do is dust ourselves off and keep moving.

 "When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on." -REM