Thursday, November 14, 2013

Married People Have Crushes By: Karen Pilarski

Marriage is work. I hear single people complaining over their status often. On the flip side attached people complain about the opposite.

It seems no matter how long a person has been involved in a relationship, there is always some small speck of something missing. What happens when a married person starts to search for the missing piece in the form of a forbidden crush?

After some online research I discovered more information about married people having crushes.

It seems perfectly normal for people to have crushes. As long as it stays just a fantasy. An attraction highlights the point that crushes manifest for women who are stressed either from motherhood or live complications.

There is some truth to this theory. Awhile ago I struggled with anxiety and stress over grad school and lack of fulfillment. My husband and I were dealing with serious setbacks and struggles.

Suddenly I began thinking of another man in a romantic way. My 'crush' was in a serious relationship and the fantasy seemed safe. He seemed be dismissive or aloof towards me in our limited interactions. He was a nice guy just reserved.


Over a few drinks I confessed to a girlfriend about my secret admiration this unsuspecting person. Giggling as if we were teens it felt exhilarating to discuss this newness of the feelings.

 I revealed being curious about his lifestyle and wondering about intimate aspects of him. Laughing hysterically we pondered what it would be like if he unexpectedly kissed me.

There was other inappropriate talk suitable for a locker room but I won't divulge. Oddly enough the friend admitted she was attracted to another man too.

Maybe there is something in the proverbial water cooler, or it is natural to feel the electricity of an unintentional attraction?

I felt immensely guilty as if I was having an affair. However, it was all contained in my confused head. I felt immensely horrible that I researched if it was normal for someone in a committed relationship to have these scandalous thoughts.

Apparently according to my go to 'therapist' called Google, it is completely normal for people to have crushes. While the diagnosis was reassuring, it still weighed heavily on the heart.

One evening I broke down sobbing to my husband that I had a crush on someone. When he found out who he just chuckled. Not the reaction I was anticipating.  Strangely, I was put off that he wasn't a wee bit jealous.

He explained that due to our different shifts that I probably have been feeling lonely. Also due to finances we couldn't afford for me to have fertility treatment.

 I was attracted to someone I thought could provide me with the solution to my sorrows. Maybe even a distraction from the problems.

The object of my affection was similar to my husband. Both men are smart, nerdy in a cute way, sensitive and yet very confident. In addition, both of them could be irritable and moody.


What it comes down to was I developed a crush on someone not my husband, yet exactly like my husband.

That figures..

I deeply missed the excitement of unrequited love and the powerfulness of a crush.

Thankfully, I never put myself in a bad situation and it actually worked for my marriage.
 My husband and I would try to send each other cute messages or spice up our evenings together.

As far as my husband is concerned, he finds other ladies attractive but the biggest crush he has is on me. Secretly I fantasize my husband will reveal his feeling by planting a huge smooch on my warm lips.

Ah, the crush cycle continues.