Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Single-Married Girl by: Karen Pilarski

I'm a typical lady working hard during the week. Most nights after work I do my dance class. I go home and make myself dinner. Usually it is a frozen dinner or a sandwich with soup. On Fridays I might make myself some pasta and salad with a glass of wine. I watch taped episodes of "The View" and clean up a bit around the house. I go on Twitter and Facebook to do some networking. I stay up watching shows from when I was a teen on Nick at Nite. Take a shower and get ready for bed. Maybe somewhere in the night I get a call from my husband. Yes, I'm married. The first part of this post made it sound like I live the single life. I actually do for the most part. The term should be called "Single-Married."

To make ends meet couples often take whatever job can help pay the bills. Sometimes the work shifts are at different times. For my husband of five years we have always worked different shifts.Somehow over the years we have made it work. Between school schedules and having the kids every other weekend we have had a normal marriage.

At first glance it might seem like the perfect situation. He has custody of the house during the day thus making it a man cave. I have full control at night where I demolish the newly created man cave. He gets to watch his ESPN and his science fiction shows. Lazy and sprawled on the couch leaving an imprint of his body. At night I can put on YouTube videos of Zumba to workout too. I can shake and shimmy without fear of embarrassment or my husband making crude sexual remarks.

Some nights I miss having the companionship. Snuggling on the couch and light kisses. Eating a nice dinner at the barely used table we purchased a year ago.Wrapping a cozy warm blanket around us and eating a bowl of frozen yogurt while watching a mutual favorite show. Completing a few crossword puzzles together. When I take a shower my husband sometimes peaks in and says I love you. Reading in bed and discussing current events. If the mood is right we make love. I would take a less calming evening. A food fight breaks out in the kitchen or we goof around in the living room. Just being together would be better than nothing. I long for randomness and comfort.

Then there are points when we are around each other too much. Each person wants control of the television or a habit gets annoying. Like how he bites his fingernails or how I text friends on the phone. The messiness of the house or how he forgot to do dishes. He becomes annoyed that I'm more interested in watching 'Sex and the City' than recreating the scenes ourselves. Frazzled and annoyed with people from the day makes me in no condition for some foreplay. Frustration and irritability spells no sex for a few days.

I'm not sure what is the better arrangement. I would prefer us to work the same shift so he could be home with the kids and eat dinner with us. Unless he gets a new job, I don't predict a change in the coming future.

For the time being we make the most of the time we do have together and the time we are apart. One day the single-married term will dissolve and we can go back to just being married.