Dream Cheating for Dummies (I am that dummy) By: Karen Pilarski

Last night I watched Indecent Proposal and Fatal Attraction with my husband’s 21 year old god daughter.  We killed off a bottle of wine and made scandalous remarks about Robert Redford. Not sure if it was Redford’s intoxicating offer or the alcohol that wrecked havoc on my sleep. I had a crazy dream I kissed another man. To protect privacy and spare being ridiculed, I will call him ‘Redford.’  In real life I know Redford. Redford and I were in a building that was being repaired when suddenly smooching occurred. I casually invited him over to my place.  Some point in this dream my husband and I had a row and he went to work angry. Redford and I made plans for our torrid indiscretion.

As anyone who recalls their dreams knows, your home is mildly or wildly different. My husband and I lived in a townhouse. It was messy (that part is actually true) with garbage and boxes everywhere. There was cot with a sleeping bag. I thought if Redford asked I would just lie and say we had just moved in. I looked outside my window and noticed Redford sitting on the steps. Suddenly my mother-in-law pulls up! Way to destroy the impending tryst. My husband gets out of the car and looks at Redford. I uttered some unsavory words. I thought “why the hell is he home?” He wasn’t in his uniform which was strange. Poor Redford looked like he wanted to soil himself. My mother-in-law called the cops! A cop pulls up in an instant (which is pretty good for Milwaukee). My husband gets back into the car. I run downstairs and see the officer talking to Redford. The cop asks what is going on here. He said Redford explained he was over there to buy a refrigerator. I mouth “A fridge, seriously?”  The cop makes us go in the back of the squad car for an interrogation. Excuses are made to try to get out of the uncomfortable situation. The officer steps out of the car. He goes and talks to my husband. My mother-in-law and husband speed off into the night.

Redford and I are in the back of the squad car. We start kissing and I stop him. I say “I really have feelings for you but I can’t do this.” He agrees. I go back home alone (which sucks already).  I frantically call my husband but it goes right to voice mail. I call my mother-in-law and she is short with me. She tells me my husband quit his job. I was more aggravated that he quit his job then I was that I got busted for cheating. I spent the rest of the dream going through boxes in our place. The boxes had Redford’s stuff in them. There were family pictures, baby photos, mementos.  I woke up.

I told my husband about the dream and he just shook his head and laughed. This dream had some obvious points. One, everyone has trash and past baggage. Sometimes it is possible to gather other people's  baggage without even knowing it. The cop was apparently my conscious self telling me what I was doing was wrong. Should I be insulted “Redford” didn’t offer a million dollars for a night with me? I’ll save that one for another dream.  Memo to me, never watch movies about sex and drink. Finally, no bunnies were boiled in the making of this dream.