Headless Hero (Updated)

During childhood unconditional love is learned and accepted. From a relative, a pet or a beloved toy that is cherished almost like a family member. For me, it was Teela, Master’s of the Universe figure/doll.

Teela

 I adored her auburn hair secured in a bun on top of her head. The smooth of her back felt nice on my hand and her lean arms. A golden edged swimsuit like uniform was the only wardrobe for her.

I made her kick Skelator's ass in one assisted move. She didn’t take guff from a yellow toned Evil-Lynn who appeared to be nursing a bad case of jaundice.

Teela harbored a secret crush on He-Man who was actively pursued by Frosta and Sweet Bee.

 Teela was a tough ‘super hero.’ Hours were spent watching He-Man cartoons to see her antics and ballsy moves to protect the sometimes feminine Prince Adam. She was bad ass, something as a youngster I aspired to be. Still aspire to be. 

Most super heroes pretend they don’t have negative aspects about themselves. They mask it away with cool aliases and hearts of gold. There are Clark Kent and Peter Parker who with a blink of an eye turn into flawless creatures.

Like most real life heroes Teela had character faults. She was quick tempered, high strong and bossy. In the real world people can fall from grace. There are no silky spider webs to catch that tragic fall.

Embarrassingly I found out the hard way Teela wasn’t unbreakable. One boring afternoon I had a curious thought. I wondered how Teela’s head was put on her body. I didn’t think of the consequences of my actions, like real life people sometimes don’t do.

I twisted and turned her head still unsure how it was staying intact. The morbid experiment should have ended there. Poor brave and beautiful Teela. I decapitated her. With one evil swoop I popped her head right off.

Stunned I realized with horror what I did. There was her head clutched in my tiny hand. 

God knows I tried putting her back together in an emergency operation. I enlisted no help from my brothers and sisters. I would never hear the end of it. Elmer’s Glue, tape, a cast made of wet toilet paper were some of the medical procedures I attempted.

The surgery wasn’t successful.

I did my best to make her comfortable in her new state of being. I made her a bed, aka a soap dish and a piece of soft tissue for covers.

One day at Shakey’s Pizza I lost her head. Add insult to injury my brothers and sisters made fun of me. 

I mourned my hero and best toy. There was a humiliating denial period where I walked around with a headless Teela.

Finally one day I lost the rest of her (I suspect my mom tossed her away when I wasn’t looking).

The point of this story is that no one is without faults and incapable of hurting. The best heroes admit when they are wrong and work hard to get what they want.

 No bug bite or chemical plant disturbance can switch a person into a hero. It is how we deal with life that makes heroes in the gleaming eyes of others.

Case of the Butt Kissers

The air smelled like cherry scented chap stick. Lips like their personality, raw and cracked. I pondered if all that butt kissing caused them to lose all ability to think for themselves.

Watching them at times was entertaining. Copying moves and reactions to fit each others moods. Always thought there was some defect within myself.

More mature and educated I often ignored all the obvious disrespect. How depressing it must be to live for everyone else and not yourself. I know a person shouldn't judge but I've been that mile and half in their shoes.

My feet and my heart, battered and sore. I beg for no more of the fake pleasantries. So maxed out and hit the limit ages ago.

It was confessed that I'm too quiet and don't speak up.

Wait a minute, objection!

A shrinking violet I am not!

When I have to be I can be bold and fierce. Don't let my usual solitude fool you. As for the butt kissers they resort to being unruly and self involved.

Unless there is a prize or some gain dangled in front of them. It excites and tantalizes them. There is no need to be obnoxiously loud. Actions speak louder than words. I hear the dismissing of me loud and clear.

Allegedly to them I'm stuck up, reserved and have no personality.

 Truthfully, I'd rather be those things then childish, jealous and petty. How clever they are to paint themselves as the victims. The phony tears and breakdowns are reality television worthy.

Everything they touch has red hand printed stains on it. Any great detective could see right through the facade.

My lawyer encouraged me to let it go and just pretend as if nothing happened.

That is the butt kissers mindset. Act like nothing has changed and everyone is in the same position, standing and ranking that they have always been.

I attempted to argue my case. Everything changes and nothing can ever stay exactly the same.

 A hush came over the jury.

A character witness reported that I am sweet, creative and caring. If given at least half a chance they could have witnessed this themselves.

Sadly they are guilty of being too far up each others.. well judge, you get the general idea. 

I rest my case.

The Tattered Diploma

My college diploma sits on my computer desk. Collecting dust. I should clean it off and frame it. It just stays trapped in that tattered brown holder and protected by the plastic sheet. I feel like my diploma. Sometimes people pass it day after day and not acknowledge it exists (meaning that I have a degree). I worked so hard for my Bachelors degree and it is painful that it sits around unused. Pretty soon I can add a Master's degree diploma.

Every day I click on the keyboard and do data entry. I know I'm lucky to have a job in this economy. However there is a flip side.  Like like diploma covered by the  plastic protective sheet, I hid behind my secretary job. Back in 2006 I had big dreams of making it big as a writer. I used to daydream of moving to New York City and working as a reporter. Yes, a very Sex & the City vision. All I needed was some killer shoes and some smoking hot clothes. I'm not saying everything was a waste. I'm married to a sweet man and have two amazing kids. My husband supports my goals and pushes me. I have some wonderful friends who really encourage me. What happened to that girl who was ambitious and went for what she wanted?

Although I can't go back to 2006, I can get back that burst of ambition. I can stop being a doormat and essentially a pee on. I really can't blame people for making me feel this way. I need to figure out what I want and go for it. Not just say it, but mean it, do it and live it. Otherwise I'll stay 'protected' by a tattered holder with a fake shine off the plastic. It is my turn to finally shine.

The Battle

Rumble says the angry sky
Stormy weather mirrors what remains before us
Thought we won the battle, but I was wrong
Took a hit, wounded my heart yet amazingly alive
All this time, I remained faithful and full of trust
There never was a declared winner all along
Accused of being a traitor, didn’t believe the lies
Where does loyalty get but a face full of dust

Barely made it out alive
Tried waving the white flag but it was too tattered and worn
Sold my plans to the enemy, sold out myself
No epic finale just a weak goodbye
Still a glimmer of passion erupting when together
Lightening attempts to resituates, but the damage is already done
Can’t be bothered to call for help
 Pretending to follow hasn’t worked out for me
No use for parting shots only reluctant surrender
As smoke from the war blends within the angry sky.