The Devil Wannabe Wears Faux Prada By: Karen Pilarski

The Devil Wears Prada was a popular movie starring Anne Hathaway. She was a tad meek and a bit boorish looking. She had a back stabbing colleague and a cantankerous boss. I think the character and elements of the film are relatable to people in similar situations.  Everyone has had that job where they were basically peons. Who can forget that first job at a greasy fast food joint? The hungry and crabby customers and screaming children were encountered everyday. The pimply and gawky teenaged supervisor blamed and ridiculed. After work would be spent scrubbing off the maldorous smell of spoiled meat and soured ice cream. The first job is where dues were paid. So you thought.

Fast forward some years and countless crappy jobs. Degrees have been awarded and now you are in the bigger (slightly higher) leagues. I have a friend named Lilly who is amazing. She is creative, compassionate, organized and smart. Lilly tried to do all the right things to get noticed. She was passed up for a promotion for God knows what reason. She wasn’t boorish or meek. She had experience, a degree, ambition and drive. She had the misfortune to work under a tyrant. She is now fielding other job offers as I write this.

Just because a person has a degree doesn’t mean the sky opens and the dream job rains down from the heavens above. This reality kicks in after six months of looking for a higher paying job and not having any luck. What people want is for someone to provide guidance, understanding and last of all respect.

I recently started to network. I have had wonderful connections ask me about my writing and invite me for coffee. I even inspired a blog post! It seems people really feel for the novice. They understand the daunting journey of getting recognized and trying to get a foot in the door. That said, sometimes there is a bad networking connection.  I accidentally sent a request to network with someone that I didn’t know. Understandably she asked how I knew her. That should have been the end. Nope, she proceeded to critique my profile and offer unsolicited suggestions. While I’m open to suggestions, this one seemed a bit mean spirited. She didn’t even look at my profile closely to see her suggestions were there. That alone was disrespectful.  She then trivialized personal writing as “my struggles.”  Ouch. 

The point is all colleagues and especially supervisors should treat employees with respect and acknowledge them. You never know when the copy boy might become CEO of a large corporation or that secretary becomes the next Barbara Walters. You lived a mile in their shoes.  Show future leaders how to climb the success ladder. Don’t yank the ladder from under them.   

Dream Cheating for Dummies (I am that dummy) By: Karen Pilarski

Last night I watched Indecent Proposal and Fatal Attraction with my husband’s 21 year old god daughter.  We killed off a bottle of wine and made scandalous remarks about Robert Redford. Not sure if it was Redford’s intoxicating offer or the alcohol that wrecked havoc on my sleep. I had a crazy dream I kissed another man. To protect privacy and spare being ridiculed, I will call him ‘Redford.’  In real life I know Redford. Redford and I were in a building that was being repaired when suddenly smooching occurred. I casually invited him over to my place.  Some point in this dream my husband and I had a row and he went to work angry. Redford and I made plans for our torrid indiscretion.

As anyone who recalls their dreams knows, your home is mildly or wildly different. My husband and I lived in a townhouse. It was messy (that part is actually true) with garbage and boxes everywhere. There was cot with a sleeping bag. I thought if Redford asked I would just lie and say we had just moved in. I looked outside my window and noticed Redford sitting on the steps. Suddenly my mother-in-law pulls up! Way to destroy the impending tryst. My husband gets out of the car and looks at Redford. I uttered some unsavory words. I thought “why the hell is he home?” He wasn’t in his uniform which was strange. Poor Redford looked like he wanted to soil himself. My mother-in-law called the cops! A cop pulls up in an instant (which is pretty good for Milwaukee). My husband gets back into the car. I run downstairs and see the officer talking to Redford. The cop asks what is going on here. He said Redford explained he was over there to buy a refrigerator. I mouth “A fridge, seriously?”  The cop makes us go in the back of the squad car for an interrogation. Excuses are made to try to get out of the uncomfortable situation. The officer steps out of the car. He goes and talks to my husband. My mother-in-law and husband speed off into the night.

Redford and I are in the back of the squad car. We start kissing and I stop him. I say “I really have feelings for you but I can’t do this.” He agrees. I go back home alone (which sucks already).  I frantically call my husband but it goes right to voice mail. I call my mother-in-law and she is short with me. She tells me my husband quit his job. I was more aggravated that he quit his job then I was that I got busted for cheating. I spent the rest of the dream going through boxes in our place. The boxes had Redford’s stuff in them. There were family pictures, baby photos, mementos.  I woke up.

I told my husband about the dream and he just shook his head and laughed. This dream had some obvious points. One, everyone has trash and past baggage. Sometimes it is possible to gather other people's  baggage without even knowing it. The cop was apparently my conscious self telling me what I was doing was wrong. Should I be insulted “Redford” didn’t offer a million dollars for a night with me? I’ll save that one for another dream.  Memo to me, never watch movies about sex and drink. Finally, no bunnies were boiled in the making of this dream.

The Terrible 30's

The two year old was quietly sitting in her booster seat. It wasn’t until a red balloon came into her sights did she start to stir. She wailed and thrashed herself around.  Scratches on her mom’s arm was proof this sassy girl wasn’t giving up. The same scenario happened after the older girl said she was full. A delicious piece of chocolate cake was placed in front of her dad. She wanted that cake even though her tummy was making noises and cramping. When her dad took a call, she snuck a bite. When he returned he demanded to know who took a bite. The older girl took a deep breath and then blamed the two year old. 

Funny how people want what they didn’t know existed or what they didn’t know they needed. As children we learn to cry or throw a fit when something doesn’t go our way.  We learn how to fight for our fair share. Whether another kid’s toy or the candy sticking out in plain view. As we grow older we learn to stop the impulse to take whatever we want or pitch a tantrum at will. 

As teenagers we learn to manipulate and use things to our advantage. Any tidbit of information can be used in our favor.  This comes in handy in school when you catch a conversation about the boy you are crushing on. A whisper about a house party tickles the eardrum. Observation is a teenager’s secret weapon. 

Being an adult and wanting comes at a price. Adults want to the best house, the lucrative job, and the perfect marriage. When those things don’t happen, we stew. Resentment takes over and spirals into guilt and regret. Someone else is in possession of what we want. It would be easy to regress back to our two year old selves. Scream and grab at what we think should belong to us. Act like a rebellious teenager and scheme to get our way? As we see in reality shows and the news, people do use these tactics. Wanting may cost us. It could cost us our current jobs, current marriages, current state of being.  Some have an affair; few may pick up and move far away. My adult self would rather just accept the conditions then disturb them. 

I wish I could act like a two year old. No longer caring about other’s feelings or if they get hurt.  I wouldn’t sweat over leaving people and things behind in my wake. Unfortunately, I’m not a toddler.  I tend to care too much what people think and feel. Often times at the expense of my own feelings and wants.  Although the wanting is still there, I have to be an adult. It is time to put on my big girl pants and deal with life as it comes.

Lost Days of Innocence

Cotton candy taste

Milkshake dreams, candy dazed heads

Running around till street lights dim

Playing in dirt, making messes with paste

Torn band aid where skinned knees bled

Children’s laughter is the best medicine

Rose tinted faces, sticky hands now wet

Soggy mittens, knotty stringy hair

Crowded playground, whipping cars along with street

Little things mean a lot like loose change found

Moving higher and higher on the swing set

Egged on by friends, big kids start to stare

World looking miniature underneath small feet

With courage, jumping off and landing on the ground

I just want to hear the children play

No longer a fight over silly rules
Such as bedtimes at early twilight

Sense of security, cavity of society decays

Playgrounds once full of life become eerily silent
On that somber and tragic Friday.  -Karen Pilarski

The New By: Karen Pilarski

The countdown begins. Soon horns will blare and colorful confetti will stick on tongues.  The slushy sidewalks now disturbed by shoe imprints. Flash pictures and drunken texts are reminders of the intoxicated rush of excitement.  Last calls and missed opportunities won’t sour the sheer happiness of the New Year.
Newness is exhilarating.

The feeling something out in the world is untainted and untouched. No residue of past accidents or physical and emotional injury.  Lack of prior knowledge or scars left over from decades ago. No bumps hiding during the test drive to see if the ride will be smooth.  Like the new year, a promise of good things to come. Promises and resolutions made as people get caught up in the ‘new’.

There is the term used called a classic. Something out in the world that has withstood time.  An object or person from long ago that survived frosty fronts, scratches and jabs.

Unfortunately, if the will isn’t there, the old classic will be abandoned. The wear and tear will be too much to bear.  Once shiny and clean will become stale and rusted. No matter how many new years have come to pass, it won’t ever have that fresh scent.

If it was ever valued it could be repaired brand new. If beloved, it would have been kept in great shape. In fact it most likely was restored after hard work and determination.

If only that feeling could be bottled up and sprayed in the air. Maybe then the yearning for the ‘new’ would dissipate like colorful confetti littered on wet ground.

Mr..er Mrs. Destiny by Karen Pilarski

I remembered the move Mr. Destiny with James Belushi from the 80's. It was a guy who had it all but didn't know it at the time. He got a chance in the form of Micheal Caine as a bartender to revisit the crucial moment that could have changed everything. In a zap he was a baseball star and had Renee Russo as a wife. As far as I know I never had that one crucial moment. There have been opportunities or paths I didn't take. Never have I ever looked back and wished I could change the events from the past. Until now. The best times in life can be the most stressful. Think about getting married or having a baby. So much planning and preparing goes into it. I'm about to graduate with a Master's degree. Instead of being overjoyed, I'm terrified and sad. I was never scared when I graduated with my BA degree or when I turned 30. Nor was I petrified when I got married and became a step parent. Like the main character from that movie, I feel something is missing.

Often I daydream about traveling the world or living in New York as a writer. I'm sure there are people doing these things now that wish they had a simple and easy life. I know there others that are sick, struggling, dying. I know people who lost their jobs, dealing with cancer, losing something valuable.

I graduate next month. Then what? I know in my heart I can't stay in the same place. Although I'm very happy to have a job, I feel I could be doing more than being a secretary. I can't wait for the perfect circumstances to sprinkle from the sky. I doubt some angel in disguise will let me redo something or lead me to my ideal life. The meaning of Mr. Destiny was to appreciate what you have. I do. I should be over the moon happy. I can't let my own fears of not finding the perfect job or not making enough money bring me down.

What I want changes more time then the weather. I wanted a baby. That didn't happen and now I've given up. I wanted to be a famous writer, but that hasn't happened and I got discouraged. I wanted to marry Brad Pitt, but he has millions of kids. At times I don't like various aspects of my life. Who do I blame for my challenges? Everyone else. In reality the only person in charge of my own destiny is me. I need to take this crucial moment and make the change I want to see.

Web of Eyes by Karen Pilarski

A web of lies
Decorated, woven silky lines
Spun and stretched up high
Arched the eyebrow to deflect and defy
Used color lenses to add to the disguise
The spinner, coward hides truth inside
Although not as cleverly as she may find
The heart and eyes don't lie
Just I.